Emotional Intelligence | Leis Network

Delaying Gratification

A 15 minute test is more predictive of life success than any other indicator including education and IQ.

Marshmallow test

In the late 1960s, psychologist Walter Mischel performed a series of tests on young, pre-school children intended to measure their ability to delay gratification or otherwise exert self control. These experiments later became known as the ‘marshmallow experiments.’ The idea was simple. He left a succession of 4-year-olds in a room with a bell and a marshmallow. If they rang the bell, he would come back and they could eat the marshmallow. If, however, they didn’t ring the bell and waited for him to come back on his own, they could then have two marshmallows.

Can you resist instant gratification?

The long term results were astounding. Not only were youngsters who were able to delay their gratification more successful in life and able to avoid problems and issues that undermine success, they had higher SAT scores. It turns out the ability to invest oneself or delay gratification is helpful in all sorts of situations; it lessens the chances of teen pregnancy, abets sitting through boring classes to get a degree, and learning a skill at an ‘A’ level rather than settling for a ‘C’, and on and on.

Emotional immaturity requires complicity

Let us take an example. A young man does not take employment. He lives with his girlfriend who supports him. He has an undergraduate degree, and partly because of that achievement he believes that working at an entry level job is not worth his time. He does not have the emotional maturity to understand the demonstrated benefit that investment or reliability brings. He wants everything NOW. Which probably means he is both not developing core competencies as a foundation for life, but is also more attracted to immediate pay-off careers like drug smuggling or thievery. Also notice the complicity necessary by significant others in order to retard emotional maturity.

Habits passed on to children

Unfortunately there is another correlation. Delaying gratification correlates to socioeconomic status and parenting styles. It turns out successful life habits and approaches, or the lack of them, are often passed down from generation to generation. Besides having huge implications for our educational system, they bequeath parents hoping the best for their children with approaches to increase attention spans and the importance of practice and time investment.

Finally, the Stanford Marshmallow experiment predicts SAT performance (by 210 points) better than IQ, and also life success, which IQ does not do so well at all. Think of it. A 15 minute test of a 4 year old already predicts success better than IQ despite all the life events and education he will encounter. Allow that to sink in for awhile.

The ramifications for parenting, education, and work environments alone are enormous. In your job, strive to be emotionally stable, empathetic, and willing to make investments in time and effort. And do not forget the old adage, “You get hired for what you know, and promoted for who you are.”

Dimensions of Emotional Intelligence

Emotional Intelligence: 10th Anniversary Edition; Why It Can Matter More Than IQ
Daniel Goleman

The definitive explanation.

Emotional Intelligence 2.0
by Travis Bradberry

Much better than the first version, with helpful examples and exercises.
Includes action plans and strategies.

The author shares considerable research on EQ.

Delaying gratification is hardly the only component of Emotional Intelligence. The book “Emotional Intelligence” outlines emotional intelligence and catalogs various approaches to learning and educating:

Awareness of One’s Own Emotions
Controlling One’s Own Emotions
Motivating One’s Self
Knowing the Emotions of Others
Relationship Skills

Being taught the ability to overcome or at least delay our brain stem instinctual functions, to recognize and deal with them helpfully in ourselves and others, and to learn those skills as early as possible in life, becomes a foundational and valuable life skill.